Project Statement
A diagnosis of female sexual dysfunctions in my early adulthood resulted in a long-standing tumultuous and estranged relationship with my body and with sex. Years of doctor’s appointments with my feet in stirrups, foreign figures gazing and prodding between my legs, and invasive and painful procedures left me alienated and disconnected from my body due to the medicalization of my sexual organs.
Along with the struggle that presented itself through the medical aspect, these conditions contributed negatively to my emotional and mental well-being in intimate relationships. I invariably felt inadequate because I was not able to have penetrative sex, which was exacerbated by societal reinforcement about what constitutes sex and partner ignorance and cruelty. I had never felt comfortable in my body as a young woman, and never felt sexy or desirable in any way. With my naked body becoming a specimen to conduct experiments on and the engrained belief that in order to be “sexy” you had to be engaging in a very specific version of sex, I did not believe I had the agency to feel that way about myself.
After much healing both physically and mentally, I desired to find a way to reintegrate and connect with a body that was now comfortable with the sensuality of nakedness and being seen as beautiful both inside and outside of a sexual context. By using self portrait photography and a mix of medium format and 35mm imagery, I am able to provide a visual document of those feelings both by addressing myself directly and in ways that focus specifically on the alluring features of the body.
Aided by the inclusion of the camera and myself being shown to take the photographs, it is less about performing and more about creating a dialogue and relationship between my mind, my body, and the camera.